Johnny's Bizarre Fidget Spinner
by Ckh alt
Summary: The world has been reduced to fidget spinners. This sentence alone should terrify you. I'm Johnny and I have to find my father's killer and take revenge...using a fidget spinner. Yes, I wrote this. Under the guise of a Jojo fanfic I might add. Send help.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 0: A chapter stolen from another place, another anime.

It happened one day in 2069, when all these random fidget spinners started raining down everywhere.

At first, they seemed harmless enough, so a bunch of us normies invented this cool new spinning technique.

Thats when we realised these fidget spinners weren't so harmless after all.

They were packed with [STAND] powers from another world. [STAND]s would emerge based on the spinning prowness of the user, the strongest of which is rumored to have sunk the long lost nation of Kekistan.

These [STAND] users are respectfully called austists and the battles between them are unoriginally called [STAND] battles.

My name is Johnny and my father has just been killed by a mysterious man who calls himself "I'm depressed".

Together with my [possibly worthless] friends who will serve no other purpose than make me look stronger, I will find my father's killer and bring him to justice and... possibly save the whole of mankind in the process?

I dunno, this is frankly all kind of gay.

[Opening theme song abruptly plays]


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 0 was a parody of the bakugan opening, not that any of you caught that.**

Chapter One: Your good o' anime introduction

I don't exactly remember the day my father died.

I mean, I remember two retards screaming at the top of their lungs as they posed awkwardly but thats just it.

That, and my father telling me "THIS IS WHY I DON'T LOVE YOU!" as his [STAND], a bear wearing a red tie, made the most disturbing sound. Then, blackness.

I awoke in a forest, confused and almost naked. Bear-chan always attempted to undress me for the strangest of reasons so I guess he saved my life? I'm not sure. My saviour's identity was pretty ambigious.

I was surprisingly calm about his whole ordeal, (my father was kind of a douchebag) but I just had to flashback to that one time we...fished? Wait what. And I cried? That fishing trip wasn't even that memorable!

And I felt angry and swore vengeance on his killer from that day on? And I found a master to train under and got clothes?

In hindsight, that had to be the poorest reason anyone could have for seeking revenge.

Fishing? Seriously? And I didn't pursue the matter of me being naked any further?

Man, 2 years ago me was weird.

It is now that the fishing flashback would overide my memory and restore my motivation again, bringing me back to my senseless journey...

Back to my senseless journey, I guess its time for me to go get revenge on "I'm depressed". Well, I did train 2 years for this after all.

Two years in fidget spinner time translates to a thousand years of training, or so I have been told. To "I'm depressed" who was clocking 300 spins per second (SPS) when he fought my father:

Pffffttttt, thats childs play.

And besides, its not like anyone would dedicate a full 2 years on something that would turn out to be meaningless...right?

As if directly rebutting my statement, a whimpy voice cried out:

"I DEVOTED TWO YEARS ON SOMETHING MEANINGLESS!"

Welp, there goes my brillant theory.

"Two years on perfecting fifty spins per minute...and its useless!" The voice seemed to say, though the crying in between disturbed the clarity of his speech.

The owner of the voice belonged to a boy no older than ten, who was currently in the midst of a [STAND BATTLE]. Characterised by his unusually long hair and his abomidable choice of clothing (Pink shirts don't match orange pants, do they?), he looked like he was plucked straight from an anime with terrible character design.

Come to think of it...this whole setting resembled that of a lame anime really.

A boy holding his own against a stronger pretty faced foe... His weak [STAND] barely managing to stand up against a superior [STAND]...his opponent laughing in an unreal manner...and a cheerleader in a corner cheering him for some reason?

Yup, this is definitely the first episode of a lame anime. After defeating the boy, the pretty faced opponent would, without prompting, reveal that he was the champion of some famous tournament, resulting in the boy developing some powerful technique to best his self proclaimed rival in said tournament. And then, the boy would inexplicably be embroiled in a fight to save the world, eventually concluding in a final battle that turns the boy into a hero and gets him his harem.

The only things that could top that premise would be...tons of other lame anime...and my own senseless journey...

That comparison really broke down, huh?

Well, whatever, I don't care.

Returning to the boy, he appeared to be in a tight spot.

His body trembled as his unicorn [Stand] tried to hold its own against his opponent's raging bull, but the effort was ultimately futile.

"Take this! Giga Burst!"

"Uwwwahhh!"

With a heavy thrust, the bull flung both boy and [STAND] ten feet backwards, almost causing them to collide head on with me. Thankfully, the reflexes I gained from two years of fidget spinning acted up on time, giving me time to dodge.

Instead of crashing into me, the boy crashed into a giant rock conveniently located behind me, causing his entire body to bleed. Having taken too much damage, the boy was unable to even stand. His body pathetically slumped against the rock, as if waiting for death. Talk about overkill...

Upon seeing the defeated state of his victim, the pretty faced opponent proceeded to laugh.

"And you thought you could challenge a pro!" The opponent pointed to his shirt, which spelled the words "champion". "Hahahaha, how foolish!"

As he said that, his [STAND] began to gather energy, evidently charging for a finishing blow.

"For your insolence, you must die."

Woah, woah, woah, big guy, show some restraint here. You're killing a shota because he dared to challenge you? Have you listened to yourself? Not to mention that you are using a fidget spinner to kill someone too. Even though I'm probably going to do the same thing, I have to admit, thats pretty gay.

Before I could finish the speech into my mind, a newcomer sprang into the scene.

Decked with all sorts of flashy chinese accessories, the newcomer looked hilariously umpressive. He seemed so much like the ideal chinese tourist, I decided to call him chinese tourist kun.

"Yukino!" Declared chinese tourist kun, whose voice revealed that he was the cheerleader in the corner. "I will protect you!"

Yukino? You mean that pinked haired boy? What a weaboo name for a guy. Truth be told, I'm disgusted. The pretty faced opponent must have thought so too.

"Bah! Another insolent challenger?" Remarked the pretty faced opponent who had no intention of ceasing his attack. "Spare me."

Looking at the situation at hand, I couldn't help but sigh. If this was the first episode of an anime, how more far fetched can this get...

As it turned out, it could get far worse.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two: Gotta go fest

It was over in 5 seconds. Chinese tourist kun laid on the ground, broken, his fidget spinner on the verge of cracking apart.

The fact that tourist kun wasn't in worse shape was one that was worthy of praise. Taking a full on [Giga burst], as the opponent had called it, would have most certainly crippled even the strongest of humans. It appeared that tourist kun was better than I had given him credit for.

The pretty faced opponent, on the other hand, was very much unharmed.

Towering over his defeated foe, the pretty faced opponent was like an artist critiquing his half completed work, his face a mixture of angriness and disatisfaction.

"Why aren't you dead?" Said the pretty faced opponent, who resorted to kicking tourist kun in a sad attempt to comfort himself. "That was 30% of my power you asshole! 30%!"

If anyone had any justification for the pretty faced opponent's actions, they must had flew out of the window by now.

This guy was a villain type, through and thorough. Even he had a my-children-always-do-good mother, I doubt that she would be delusional to the extent that she could see her own son as something other than a villain.

It was at this moment that tourist kun's flight or fight response activated. Using his sudden boost in power to good use, tourist kun threw the pretty faced opponent away from him, giving him the opportunity to escape.

In essence, tourist kun surrendered the battle, leaving the boy to his untimely demise.

For those of you who would push tourist kun back into battle:

Running away from a battle you jumped into does reek of cowardice, yes, but considering the strength of his foe, tourist kun can't really be blamed.

Think a human against a giant steamroller. If you don't have magic powers to back you up, you jolly well run.

Having taken a mild liking to tourist kun, I silently cheered him on as he made his escape.

Unfortunately, tourist kun didn't make it very far - he only made it to my side. Suddenly, as if he were an enunch kowtowing in front of a chinese emperor, tourist kun collasped dramatically.

Pointing to the obsidian fidget spinner by my side, tourist kun asked:

"You an...autist?"

No need to be so blunt...

"Uh huh."

I replied nonchanlantly, masking the cringe from my face. I swear, the term "austist" always gets me, no matter how many times people say it. Can't they just call us fidget spinists? Ah, screw it, let terrible naming conventions be terrible naming conventions...

Caught up in my inner monologuing, I didn't pay much attention to tourist kun, who was saying something to me, apparently.

"Help...Yukino...Please..." tourist kun seemed to say.

Sorry bud, but I'm not the type to help other people just for the sake for it. Did standing here impassively for the past 5 minutes not tip you off?

Then again, if I don't step in soon, two people are probably going to be murdered in front of my eyes. As much of a douchebag I am, I still have some compassion within me. Besides, I'm going to need a guide around this city. Tourist kun might do. Fidget Spinning in the mountains for 2 years does dull your senses ya know. Don't think I'm a 4 year old spanish girl who owned an all-knowing map either.

Having successfully convinced myself, I gave tourist kun a thumbs up.

Nodding to him, I whipped out my fidget spinner and headed towards the pretty faced opponent. Surprisingly, the pretty faced opponent was in the same place as tourist kun left him. By the looks of it, he might had suffered a concussion, a concussion I could had taken advantage of was I not preoccupied with my thoughts.

Huh, if tourist kun had stood his ground, he would had won. Unbelievable.

Whatever, hindsight is 20/20; I of all people should know.

Already rising to his feet, the pretty faced opponent glared at tourist kun, as if to say _I'll kill you, retard! You'll regret harming my precious body!_

How typical.

Like the typical antagonist he was, pretty faced kun rushed towards tourist kun in blind rage, not seeing the giant tupperware closet [STAND] that blocked his path. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my [STAND] is a literal tupperware closet. Be disappointed with me, everyone!

What my closet [STAND] lacked in aesethics was made up by its combat skill however. Closet chan absolutely deciminated pretty kun's bull [STAND]. Invisible hands pumelled the bull [STAND] before pretty kun could even react, flinging his body halfway across the street.

"Uwwahhh!" pretty kun screamed as he coughed out blood. "Wha...who the hell did this?"

"Me, a goddamn random stranger on the street." I responded, probably in the most uncool way possible.

"You...Unforgivable! You made a champion bleed!"

And its okay to hurt other people why?

"Thats it, I'm unveiling my ultimate technique, [GIGARU STRIKE]!"

Its horns empowered by a deadly purple aura, pretty kun's bull [STAND] somehow looked far more intimidating then it did before. It charged towards closet chan, a wrathful gaze in its eyes. From afar, tourist kun was telling me to dodge.

Dodge? From this a childish attack? You gotta be kidding me. I'll show you a real ultimate attack. Don't blame me if you get wrecked by 10% of my [OPEN CLOSET CANNON]...along with the people around us? Hold up, I can't use my ultimate attack here! There are way too many bystanders. I'll kill like ten people and a hotdog stand. Was this why my father didn't use his ultimate attack back then? Because I was stupidly standing there? Thats sick kar...

...ma.

Two giant horns jutted out of closet chan's body, sending a wave of excruciating pain down my body. Having taken the full burnt of [GIGARU STRIKE], closet chan looked like it was in a state of total disrepair, like some angry kid who had his electronics destroyed did a number on it. I was no better.

Lying on the ground in a pool of blood, I struggled to even lift my fidget spinner. In my peripheral vision, I could see pretty kun mocking me, the smug grin on his face accentuating my pain. You know what? Fuck you. I was going to go easy on you but I'll be damned if I don't smash your face in right now.

Using my last burst of strength, I dialled up my fidget spinner to its maximum speed: 1000 SPS. It took a single instant for the battle to end. Hundreds of phantom fists relentlessly tore through pretty face kun's [STAND], their speed so fast, pretty kun didn't even had time to register the pain. And just like that, with his bull [STAND] utterly destroyed, pretty face kun crumpled up and fell, the number of fist imprints in his body too many to count.

He was still alive of course, only by a hair's breath.

I can't say the same for me though. Unleashing the true power of my fidget spinner caused me to lose way more blood than an anime protagonist is allowed to lose and with two holes pierced through my body, I don't think I'm going to make it.

I spent two years fidget spinning only to die at the first opponent I faced huh...how tragic...please tell the author of my universe that he can go watch Boku no Pico forever...in english dub...and oh, heres comes the blacking out...

 **Bad end, and urm, totally not because of six month hiatus san. This was originally uploaded on RoyalRoad.**


End file.
